Why Love NY

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I have been playing dodgeball in the New York City Social Sports Club co-ed social league coming up on 2 years this winter. Fall ‘07 season starts in just over two weeks. This is your opportunity to fling red rubber balls at your opponents on the court and then share a beer with them at the bar later in the evening. If you’re not excited yet, you should be. If you are excited, you still have all of two days left to register. In fact, Pepe’s Cheese Bitches, may very well be able to use your services.

At this point you’re probably wondering, “What exactly is a cheese bitch?” and “Who is this mysterious Pepe character?” Answers that will come in due time. First let’s start with the picture above, which depicts the original squad of Bitches from the Winter ‘06 season (or at least those who decided to show up that day). From left to right: Ken, Dave, myself, Jenni, Alan, Brian and Aaron.

Ken and I worked together for a while. He seemed like a nice enough guy, so when I heard there was a dodgeball league in Manhattan it was only natural to recruit him. I am of the belief that this pivotal moment prevented him from turning into this guy. Ken is one of the veterans who will be returning this season.

Dave is a friend from college, as are Jenni and Aaron. This is significant to the origin of the Cheese Bitches name for reasons that will become clear in just a minute. Dave participated in a couple of seasons, moved to Brooklyn and has basically fallen off the face of the earth. Fun fact: Dave requested and was granted the personalized shirt name DAVE OHH!

Brian I met at a mutual friend’s bachelor party. An excellent dodgeball player, the schedule of a dentist paired with the commute into Manhattan brought his bright future in the sport to a premature end.

That leaves Alan. Now none of us knew Alan before this season of dodgeball. He signed up as an individual and was placed on our team. Alan wasn’t a bad guy, but he was pretty terrible at dodgeball. Ask any of the original Bitches, and they’ll tell you that one of my favorite pastimes this particular season was irrationally hating on poor Alan*. Maybe he wasn’t that bad, but it sure felt good to place all the blame on him. After our inaugural season of dodgeball we never really heard from him again.

Returning to Jenni and Aaron (mainly because I’m sure I’ll get a phone call from Jenni if I don’t). The three of us went to the “ivy league of state schools”, Binghamton University. As freshman, we were fortunate enough to all be placed in Roosevelt hall, and the rest, as they say, is history. My memory of our first encounter with Pepe (government name: Steve) is a fuzzy one at best, as well it should be. You see, Pepe’s is primarily a $1 meatball sub shop. Sure he sold kielbasa, chicken spiedies, and cheese steak sandwiches for a premium, but for a poor, drunk college student, $1 meatball subs are where it’s at. Now, I don’t know what the going rate for chop meat was in 1996 (1997? like I said, it’s fuzzy) but I’m fairly certain these meatballs were less than kosher.

On any given night of drinking, a stop at Pepe’s was practically mandatory. Stumbling inside, you order a meatball sub or three. Steve (aka Pepe) stirs his cauldron of not-quite-meatballs, scooping out four onto a roll, and then the real magic begins. A young girl, probably 17, maybe younger, certainly a high school dropout, sprinkles grated parmesan cheese on your piping hot meatballs. She deftly tears off a sheet of tin foil, wrapping your $1 sub, and handing it over. My friend, you’ve just been served by a cheese bitch. And so a legend was born.

*If you’re considering signing up for dodgeball as an individual, don’t worry, it’d be pretty hard to be as god awful as Alan was. I mean, the guy single-handedly lost at least 5 of our dodgeball games. If you have any doubt about your ball throwing prowess, you can always request a team other than Pepe’s just to be safe. Alan, if you’re reading this, one love.