Why Love NY

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Walking through the streets of the East Village you see all sorts of strange advertisements. Not the latest million dollar Pepsi campaign or the poster for the new Judd Apatow flick but the 8½ x 11 sheet of paper posted by some random guy. Man with a van. Computer technician. Hoover fixer sucker guy. You get the idea.

About a month ago, my fiancée alerted me to one particular ad which she found somewhat distressing. Of course the minute that I decided I should take a photo of this sign, it vanished, Keyser Söze style. Well good news folks, it’s back! On the northeast corner of 10th Street and 3rd Avenue, the bright orange ad for juggling lessons.

What’s so disturbing about juggling? That would be the association with clowns, which Adrianne just happens to be irrationally afraid of. Now I can’t blame her, clowns are fucking scary. As a child I would lie awake for hours, terrorized by the glazed clay clown face on my wall. Thank you to my older brother or sister who made this for me. It haunts my nightmares.

But back on topic, the juggling ad. Let’s take a closer look.

If you can’t make out everything I’ve transcribed it below, maintaining most of the formatting of the original.

Juggling

Lessons

And Stilt Walking Lessons

Juggling is great fun! Its good exercise for your eyes and the rest of your body as well. It builds Hand-Eye coordination and can be very relaxing
Welcome to the world of Juggling

$50 per lesson
.
.

• *Stress Reliever

• *Stay focused in stressful circumstances

• *Develop confidence

• *Develop a healthy body and peaceful mind

This sign raises so many questions.

1) Is there really a demand for juggling lessons? Isn’t this something you can kind of teach yourself by watching someone on YouTube do it? Answer - yes!

2) Stilt walking is the undercard? That’s something I could get behind. Who doesn’t want to know how to walk on stilts? Do I have to bring my own?

3) Stress reliever? Develop confidence? From juggling? You’re kidding right?

4) What’s up with all the asterisks? Is there a disclaimer on the back of your ad? You are just kidding aren’t you.

5) Who has the balls (pun intended?) to post an ad like this? A clown? A former clown? Eliot Spitzer?

Welcome to the world of juggling! Discuss amongst yourselves.

Photo courtesy of feastoffools.

Kathy Griffin has fans? Imagine that! Fans so passionate about her work that they would seek her out to officiate their wedding? Yeah, I didn’t buy it either, but apparently she does. Meet Mr. Brian Anstey and Ms. Elka Shapiro of Queens.

Anstey, 31, is a fifth-grade teacher; Shapiro, 29, is a marketing director. Neither is affiliated with a religion, and “the major factor in our relationship is laughter,” Shapiro said.

Griffin flew in from Los Angeles for the wedding at the Queens County Farm Museum. She performed a 10-minute service that ranged from telling raunchy jokes to having the bride recite the reception menu, according to the Daily News.

“It’s so unusual and something we’ll always remember,” Shapiro said.

While I appreciate the concept, I have to question the couples’ judgement. Was Kathy Griffin really their first choice? Couldn’t these folks have aimed just a tad higher? Steve Gutenberg? Pauly Shore? Carrot Top?

My own marriage on the horizon, I am seriously considering taking this idea and running with it. Adrianne and I already want to invite musician Daniel Johnston to our wedding, perhaps he’d consider doing us the honor? Ok, that’s probably a disaster waiting to happen.

What about Mr. Met? I mean, the Mets official website says he’s available for weddings. He does “make any occasion Amazin’!” It says it right there. Let’s check the Universal Life Church to see what he’ll need to do to get ordained. “Applying for ordination in the name of a fictitious person or animal, or the submission of a person’s name without his or her permission is fraud.” Son of a bitch!

Back to the drawing board. Perhaps the guy who played Booger in the Revenge of the Nerds films? Yeah, Curtis Armstrong. Oddly enough I think my fiancée would really enjoy being married by a guy wearing a ratty old t-shirt that reads “Who Pooted?”

What do you fine folks think? Any suggestions?

[No joke: NYC couple wed by Kathy Griffin - Yahoo! News]
[Comedian Kathy Griffin weds couple in Queens - NY Daily News]

Mr. Met Photo courtesy of snowdog101.

Last night the top sixteen teams took to the court in a battle for the title of ultimate dodgeball champion. Balls were thrown, balls were dodged and egos were crushed over the course of the evening.

Round 1 - Pepe’s Cheese Bitches vs Cojones Grandes

Pepe’s Cheese Bitches came into the night ranked fourth in the Early Division. Matching up against Cojones Grandes, the team they defeated in the last week of the regular season, confidence levels were high. Perhaps they were too high as you can see below.

On the brink of elimination, the Cheese Bitches bounced back. Systematically eliminating their green shirted foes one by one. In the rubber match Pepe’s stayed strong with another solid victory and advanced to the second round of the playoffs.

Round 2 - Pepe’s Cheese Bitches vs McBalls

This season McBalls were the Yankees to Pepe’s Blue Jays (says the diehard Mets fan). McBalls roster had a ton of depth and no obvious weakness. Pepe’s plays in Canada and can’t afford to buy uniforms for their players.

All that being said, the Bitches hoped to compete against the dodgeball powerhouse that is McBalls and were swiftly denied time and time again. The Cheese Bitches were simply overmatched and understaffed. Their road to glory ended here.

I don’t have video of this match, but you can see the teams battle it out in an exhibition game on SportsNet NY’s Street Games.

Round 3 - McBalls vs Care Bears

I didn’t stick around for this match as there was post-dodgeball drinking to be done. I do know that McBalls beat the Care Bears. Enjoy this photo in lieu of actual game footage.

Round 4 - McBalls vs Money Shots

As with the above match vs the Care Bears, I was not around to see the details of this match either. McBalls won. Hooray McBalls!

Well folks, that’s the end of this season of dodgeball. If you’re interested in playing in the best dodgeball league in New York City head on over to the New York City Social Sports Club site and sign up for the spring season today.

Tell ‘em Pepe sent ya.

Previously on This Week in Dodgeball:

[This Week in Dodgeball: The Final Countdown]
[This Week in Dodgeball: No Time for Love, Doctor Jones]
[This Week In Dodgeball: Kickin’ It Old School]

Photo and video courtesy of Dwidson Metayer.

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